A lesson from dance class

tan-nāma-rūpa-caritādi-sukīrtanānu-
smṛtyoḥ krameṇa rasanā-manasī niyojya
tiṣṭhan vraje tad-anurāgi janānugāmī
kālaḿ nayed akhilam ity upadeśa-sāram

"The essence of all advice is that one should utilize one 's full time - twenty-four hours a day - in nicely chanting and remembering the Lord 's divine name, transcendental form, qualities and eternal pastimes, thereby gradually engaging one 's tongue and mind. In this way one should reside in Vraja and serve Krishna under the guidance of devotees. One should follow in the footsteps of the Lord 's beloved devotees, who are deeply attached to His devotional service."
Nectar of Instruction, Text 8

Nectar of Instruction is one of my favourite books - its so concise and to-the-point. Srila Prabhupada's last lines of the preface read "...but Upadesamrita constitutes the first instructions for neophyte devotees. One should follow these instructions very strictly. Then it will be easier to make ones life successful. Hare Krsna."
I've been re-reading the Nectar of Instruction and I particularly like this 8th verse, which is like the essesnce of the essence, which makes it, well, essential. Lame attempt at a play on words aside, it made me look at my spiritual life and think "Practically, how can I utilize all my time and make myself stronger in my Krsna consciousness?" Lately chanting my rounds has not come easy. When I had an interesting development (or breakthrough) with my Odissi dancing, I realised that what I learnt in that situation, could easily be applied to my spiritual life, and make the instruction above possible to follow (apart from the living in Vraja part).

I went to a dance class last week after a month. Ordinarily, I would have found this daunting. But in the four weeks between my classes I had been working out at the gym, doing yoga, pilates and a bit of tai-chi. I was also taking some time out each day to practice my foot work (pada sadhana). So when I finally went in to my dance class, I was pleasantly surprised to find that my stamina had increased, and dance class was actually a pleasant experience, as opposed to a breathless, clock-watching one. Don't get me wrong - its not that I am suddenly perfect, but arranging my activities to support my dancing has made me physically stronger, for sure.

This experience can be applied to anything - but especially to my spiritual life. Pure devotional service is what every devotee is aspiring for - to remember Krsna, His pastimes and qualities at every moment, so that when his last moment approaches, it is Krsna that is on His mind and in his heart. Reading, cooking, offering arati, chanting, praying and serving the devotees, this is the yoga, pilates and tai chi of my devotional life. All these things build my devotional stamina - so that when I am chanting my rounds it's a pleasant, meaningful experience as opposed to a clock-watching, mind-wandering one:)

Sometimes with my chanting, as it is with my dancing, its hard to feel inspired. No matter how deep I dig, I can't quite find the enthusiasm to practice either. There are times when I feel like its just not possible to start Odissi at my age, that my body is too stiff and set in its ways. And when I feel this way - as easy as it is to give in and to give up - I look for inspiration. I think of all the classical dancers that inspire me - usually that means looking at photos of Odissi dancers in graceful and captivating poses. Recently, it has meant thinking back to the dance performances I witnessed by Anapayini and her girls from Alachua, at the Toronto Rathayatra. Their performance left me feeling inspired and hopeful - that if I was determined and disciplined enough, I had a good shot at being half decent.

Similarly, when inspiration is lacking in my devotional life, I look to those devotees who fill me with hope, admiration and faith. Sometimes its personalities like Narottam das Thakur, sometimes Srila Prabhupada, at other times my guru and other disciples of Srila Prabhupada and sometimes its a devotee I may only hear about, but never meet. But the result is the same - when I think of these vaisnava's and vaisnavi's I see the end result of faith, determination and enthusiasm - happiness and contentment at Krsna's lotus feet - and it inspires me to follow in their footsteps.

"A devotee should...always engage in the remembrance of Sri Krsna and His beloved associates. By following in the footsteps of such associates and by entering under their eternal guidance, one can acquire an intense desire to the serve the Supreme Personality of Godhead."
Rupa Goswami, Nectar of Devotion

So thank you to all the devotees who inspire me in my devotional service, simply by being so inspired in theirs.

Going green, Dancing and more drama

In the spirit of the upcoming dramas and Rathayatras (more about that in my post), I've included some shots my husband took for Bhaktimarga Swami at this years Durban Rathayatra of Age of Kali.

KALI

LUST

ILLUSION


MADNESS

KALI AND HIS MINIONS :)

This is one of those "whole-lotta-things-crammed-into-one' posts.

The next few weeks are going to be crazy - but good crazy (I hope). I'll have to wait a while before my semester exam results are out, and start my new semester in two weeks or so.

I'm really looking forward to the Montreal and Toronto Rathayatra - my first :) And I'm even happier because we'll be doing a drama with Bhaktimarga Swami :) I've been doing dramas in South Africa at the Rathayatra for about 8 years now - sometimes I would yearn to not be involved; to be able to go the classes and other festivities...to be one of the crowd. But when I got my opportunity this year (because of our wedding being two days before), well, it just wasn't the same. To be a part of Rathayatra rather than just at Rathayatra makes it a deeper experience for me. So, I'm really glad to be a part of the Toronto Rathayatra this year.

My husband and I met with Maharaj last week. It was great to see him after nearly two and a half months. Its always great to have Maharaj's association. He's so down-to-earth, real and good humored. I think if it wasn't for him, making me feel so welcome, and engaging me in service, I'd feel pretty lost here in Toronto. Anyhow, apart from arranging things for our week of intensive rehearsals after the Montreal Rathayatra, we spoke about so many different things - subsistence farming, the tastelessness of North American fruit, some politics and the need to go green. Incidentally, while waiting in the dentists office earlier that day I came across a great website http://www.greenissexy.org/. It was created by Rachael McAdams (The Notebook) and some friends, and it's actually pretty cool.

Other than that, we're meeting with Maharaj on Friday night to start working on the 'The Gita' drama. The bus tour is doing Kunti and Karna, so theatrically, it promises to be a great Rathayatra. My husband played Karna in Mayapur and Toronto and I played teenage Kunti some years ago, so it'll be great to be able to enjoy it and appreciate it as an audience member this time around. 'Here comes the sun....'

My dance class on Saturday was pretty interesting. But note to self - try to avoid dance class on Nirjala Ekadasi. 'Nuff said. Still, dying of thirst aside, it was great. When I stepped into her studio, the first thing I saw was Jaganath, Baladeva and Lady Subadra on an altar. That, coupled with the fact that one of the first things she said to me was "You have to know the sentiment behind Odissi if you are going to dance - it is Bhakti, devotion for Krsna, Jaganath", inspired me throughout, kept me going when my thighs threatened to give up and my throat dried up.

The one thing I'm glad about is that she's going at a faster pace with me, because I have some dance experience. Although in my slightly out-of-shape condition, maybe that's NOT such a good thing :)

To Odissi or not to Odissi...that was the question

I'm celebrating the end of my exams with my first Odissi dance class :) YEY!!!!

Tomorrow is my last exam - Psychology, which I'm not particularly looking forward to. And it signals the end of one more semester...which means that I'm one semester closer to graduation and a degree...another yey!

For some time now my feet have been itching to dance again...to feel the hard wood beneath my feet, hear them thump against the floor, feel the beat of the music, feel my muscles ache occasionally...sigh...what bliss. But I wasn't sure which direction I wanted to go in - continue with Kathak, which is my first love and passion, or bharatnatyam which I enjoyed a lot less; or try something new...like Odissi.

Now some people may think that there isn't much difference between Odissi and Bharatnatyam...but there is. Odissi dancers use the tribhangi stance (like Krsna's three-fold bending form) as opposed to the straightness of bharatnatyam. Now don't get me wrong -- it doesn't make it better than bharatnatyam, just different. Then, theres the transcendental aspect of it - the fact that it was used to bring pleasure to Lord Jaganath just makes it so special. And then theres the aspect of the costumes, specifically the head piece. I read this:

"The crown, or mahkoot, worn by the Odissi dancer is made only in the devotional city of Puri in Eastern Orissa, where the great Jagganath temple is located.

It is formed from the dried reed called sola in a tradition called sola kama. The reed is carved by a series of cuts into the rode-like stem and forms various types of flowers when a string is tied in the middle of the rod and pulled tight. As the string tightens, flowers bloom into, jasmines, champa-one of the five flowers of Lord Krishna’s arrows, and kadamba -the flowers under which Radha would wait for Her beloved Lord Krishna.

The mahkoot consists of two parts. The flower decorated back piece, called the ghoba, sits around the dancer’s hair pulled into a bun at the back of the head. This piece represents the lotus with a thousand petals that lies above the head in the head chakra, or energy center. The longer piece that emerges from the center of the back piece is called the thiya and this represents the temple spire of Lord Jaganath or the flute of Lord Krishna."

Everything about Odissi - it's costume, jewellery, stance, origin - is symbolic and beautiful. And so nicely linked to Krsna. I like that.

And so it has been decided...Odissi it is!

I'm super-excited...even though I know for a fact that because its been so long since I've danced, its going to be killer on my thighs...but who cares!! Its definitely worth it...

Jai Jaganath!

The old young me

I long to be the girl I used to be...the old, young me

I've kept a journal since I was 14. I loved the therapeutic qualities it offered. A friend who shared none of your secrets, but offered you advice and guidance in a gentle non-intrusive way. Every detail of my life is recoreded in about 7 different books. And every now and then, the desire to look back would wash over me and I'd reach for an old journal. Finding my old journals at home was like reconnecting with an old friend. It was amusing in a 'God-I-was-so-immature-I-can't-believe-i-thought-that-way' kinda way; cringe-worthy in a 'oh-GOD-I-can't-believe-i-thought-that-way' kinda way and inspiring in a 'god-i-wish-i-still-thought-that-way' kinda way. (Thats a sentence with way too many ways!)
I read a journal from 2003, at a point in my life when i was chanting 32 rounds - "Something just hit me so hard - can you imagine that exact moment when you go back to the spiritual world and see Radhe-Shyam face-to-face? How amazing that must be! To see Their faces, see how They walk, hear Their voices...That just makes me want to chant and chant and chant and just get there!"
That inspired me...the person that I was and the way I used to think, inspired me. I want to chant extra rounds again, like I was doing back then, instead of struggling to get just get through 16. I want to be thinking long-term about my spiritual life again. Reading that, looking into the past at a fresh, excited, spiritually enlived me has inspired me!!

Resolution: Think like the old me and write more and more so that I can keep me going and in check in the future!

I loved dancing. I still do. But I did it a whole lot more when I was younger and with a whole lot more passion. Whether it meant going to Kathak and Bharatnatyam dance classes; dancing in Bhaktimarga Swamis dramas or special events; or just turning the stereo on and letting loose...It was what I loved doing most. It was when I felt the most alive; that I was doing something that I not just loved, but was actually half-way good at.
I remember dancing at a benefit concert in South Africa hosted by Bhakti Caru Swami. It was an evening of drama and classical music by some Indian musicians Maharaj had brought down. Afterwards the tabla player, an elderly gentleman said to me that it was one of the best dances he had ever seen. Now THAT meant something. I don't necessarily agree with him, mind you - but it inspired me.

Resolution: Dance like no ones watching!! Also - go back to Kathak classes!!

I remember visiting Vrindavana some years ago during Kartik, knowing that I would return to South Africa with my very own Krsna-Balaram deities. It was the realisation of one of my oldest, strongest desires.
My grandparents took my cousin and I to Vrindavana for the first time when we 11 years old and non-devotees. It was Kartik and anyone who's ever been there during Kartik knows that, while Vrindavana is a transcendentally special place all year round, there is just something that makes it even more special. Everything in Vrindavana was overwhelming and so utterly charming - the parrots at sunset; the cows mooing in the distance; the peacocks crying at dawn; the bells ringing in the evening, and just the presence of beautiful Radhe-Shyam and Krsna Balarama. I lost my heart in Vrindavana (and no its not a cliche), but I specifically lost it to Krsna-Balarama who I fell in love with the moment that I saw Them. It was there that I first chanted Hare Krsna, wore a sari and did some devotional service. Cutting the wicks for the Damodarastakam lamps - that was the first piece of devotional service I ever rendered. And with a knife, not scissors mind you. Lots of blisters after.) So Vrindavana, and Krsna Balarama, are very significant and special to me.
So when They kindly allowed me to take care of Them, it was a major, major moment in my life. Having Them in my home, to be able to see Them and serve Them every single day was so, so amazing. They were my direct link with Vrindavana.
But as time has passed, I've gotten busier and let other things take priority over serving Them. I want to serve Them again like I did when I was younger - with the love and appreciation They deserve.

Resolution: Make Dauji-Kanaiyalal my priority!!

So I realise that as life goes on change is inevitable. I can't really be the person I was 5 years ago. Alot has happened since then that has encouraged, or forced, me to grow up. I guess in essence, I want to do the things that I enjoyed and were good for me; things I haven't outgrown but neglected. There are some areas in my spiritual life, and life in general, that need a bit of shaking up and the old young me is just the gal to do it:)