The Magical Flute

Whenever I hear great artists like Hariprasad Chaurasia or Kudamaloor Janardanan play the flute, I am captivated by the rich timbre of its sound and the lilting sweetness of the ragas played. And my mind is always swept to the same thought.... If a mere mortal can create such an exquisite sound, what must it sound like when, to His sweet lips, Krsna places His bamboo flute?? It made me think of a poem I recently came across, in a book entitled "White whispers: Selected poems of Salabega", Salabega being a 17th century Oriyan poet and Vaisnava. Despite being born to a Muslim father, he was utterly and completely devoted to Lord Jaganath, who is none other than Krsna Himself. His poem is titled, 'Who Plays on the Magical Flute?' That is what is must be like when Krsna plays His flute...magical!

Who is it on the magical flute

from beneath the kadamba tree?

Blowing it, He stole away

my heart's glittering gold.

Listening to its mellowed song

rocks melt away, withered twigs

merrily dance with new foliage.

And listening to it my eyes do away with sleep.

Listening to its sorcerous songs

the mild Yamuna goes wild,

and her multicoloured trouts

wince on the bank's unkind bosom.

Will there be no meeting

of my Lord with His hearts priceless gem?

Thus prays Salabega,

the down-trodden, the lowborn.

Happy Hopeful New Year!

Happy New Year!
As 2009 turned into 2010 last year, my life had been irreversibly altered. I held a tiny 12 day old baby in my arms. All the time and energy I devoted to myself turned into energy I devoted, almost completely, to her.
And now, as 2010 turned into 2011, I have a little toddler - energetic and untiring in her endeavours to learn everything she can as she explores the world in she lives. Combine that with being in school, trying to complete my BCom degree, and be a devotee...well, I've felt myself spread a little thin.
Most of my time and energy is devoted to my daughter - and that is a service I am so, so happy to have; the chance to bring up a little Vaisnavi and teach her everything I can about Krsna, and being a vaisnava (although, as it happens, she is the one who teaches me a whole lot of things on that topic!)
But my spiritual life has taken a back seat and for the longest time I have felt disconnected from Krsna. I know that it comes with the territory of being a new mom - but it's disheartening nonetheless.

And so as 2010 neared it's end, I read the wonderful resolutions of friends around the world on Facebook - resolutions designed to increase their devotion, to live more Krsna-conscious lives and to give Krsna to as many people as they could - I admired, and admittedly, envied them. Where was my resolution that would bring me closer to Krsna? I didn't even feel motivated to make a resoultion! Instead, I felt...hopeless. When you feel disconnected and unmotivated for long enough, well, you tend to give up a little - you start to feel like maybe Krsna is beyond your reach and may have actually forgotten about you.
I've felt so scattered over the past year - moving from Canada to South Africa, spending some time in New York, back to SA and finally returning to Canada a few weeks ago; combine that with caring for a baby, spending as much time as I can with my family and studying for exams and the result: My relationship with Krsna had begun to feel a little superficial and habitual.

And then this morning, I came across this wonderful e-mail written by HH Sacinandana Swami. It is truly a message of hope:

With More Strength than a Million Suns ....
A New Year's Message of Hope

Night is falling quickly this winter evening, and it is snowing again. I am sitting in our little Gaura Bhavan Ashram, on the shore of Lake Wannensee, and thinking about each of you whom I met during the past year. I want to send you a message of hope - realistic hope.

Throughout my pilgrimage to Vrindavan, India, a sweet realization entered my awareness again and again. That is, Krishna is unlimitedly merciful. We simply need to be willing to accept His mercy and turn to Him.

The problem is, though, that often His mercy is not easy for us to recognize, and that's especially true when we're overburdened by challenging life situations or plain, old doubts. I learned something about doubt on this trip to India, because while sitting under a tree at Govinda-kunda I met one practitioner of bhakti who expressed his doubt to me. He said, "I have been practicing bhakti-yoga now for more than ten years, but I cannot even control my agitated and self-centered mind what to speak of develop love for Krishna. There seems to be obstacles on my path as tall as the Himalayan Mountains, and both the darkness of material consciousness and the general atmosphere of Kali-yuga are overwhelming. On some days I feel hopeless."

Fortunately, I was well equipped to answer his doubt since just that morning I found a message of hope in the eighteenth chapter (text 56) of the Bhagavad-gita. There Krishna says, "Under My protection My devotee reaches
My eternal abode."

Srila Prabhupada writes in his purport to this verse: "To a devotee who is engaged in Krishna consciousness, the Lord is very, very kind. In spite of all difficulties, he is eventually placed in the transcendental abode, or Krishnaloka."

And two verses later, Krishna emphatically declares: "If you become conscious of Me, you will pass over all obstacles of conditioned life by My grace."

Please note: It is not by our own strength that we can conquer the darkness
that surrounds us but by the strength of Krishna, which is more powerful than the power of one million suns.


Coming to the Turning Point

Srila Krishnadasa Kaviraja Gosvami expresses the same point in this famous verse from the Chaitanya-charitamrita, (Madhya-lila 22.33): "One is immediately freed from the clutches of maya if he seriously and sincerely says, 'My dear Lord Krishna, although I have forgotten You for so many long years in the material world, today I am surrendering unto You. I am Your sincere and serious servant. Please engage me in Your service.'"

So it seems the only requirement for being accepted and protected by Krishna is that one comes to the turning point and sincerely surrenders to Krishna,
renouncing all other shelters.

Someone who has found Krishna's shelter is not inconvenienced by adverse circumstances. The Sanskrit word ashraya, or shelter, comes from the root
word sri, which means "to be brilliant and dazzling." For a devotee who surrenders to Krishna's direction the cloud of anxiety enveloping an unsurrendered soul lifts, and he begins to shine with Krishna conscious
happiness. Krishna has personally fortified and empowered such a devotee
with His own spiritual energy - more brilliant than the sun. Srila Prabhupada writes: "The foolish cannot understand this great freedom from
anxiety."

Another feature in the life of a devotee who has given himself into
Krishna's hands is that he is not so easily exhausted. When I visited Srila
Prabhupada in 1974 in his room in Germany, he gave me several personal
instructions, one of which was to become a water-carrier. I used to wonder
exactly what he meant by that until one day I came upon an old well in
Serbia and watched how it served many people. I remembered my spiritual
master's instruction and then wrote this small poem:

Never Exhausted

An old well gave water to all -
the young, the old, the happy, the sad -
every day without hesitation or delay.

When I first came to him thirsty, I was amazed:
Did giving water again and again
not exhaust him?
So I decided to ask.
"No problem," he said, "I am only the well,
not the spring, which supplies me
as long as the connection is there."

Let's live like the well -
live in the higher connection.
You will be happy to pass on
what the source gives you,
never to be exhausted.

Why am I writing this? Simply to encourage you. There is good reason to be hopeful. Krishna is very, very kind to and supportive of His devotees. He waits patiently for them to turn to Him, and then He responds immediately. Often He Himself takes the first step toward them. "He is so kind, so very
kind," as Srila Prabhupada used to say.

We have only to accept that Krishna's kindness follows His own mind and not
always our expectations. This means He gives us exactly what we need at any
given time.

So now my question these days is, How can I live in relationship with Him? As I ponder this question I look out at the winter night. The stars blink in the distance. Is the Lord as far away as those stars or is He closer? How can I connect with Him?

During the last year I learned some things that help me make that connection. I'd like to share them with you:

1. Become aware that Krishna is the goal of your life.
2. Offer as many acts as you can in His service. Activate your relationship with Him and ask for guidance how to further activate it from those who have
an active relationship with Him, like Srila Prabhupada and your other
spiritual masters.
3. Train your mind to connect with Krishna through devotional thoughts. Convince your intelligence of the truth of Krishna consciousness.
4. Take full and unreserved shelter in the processes of bhakti - the hearing and chanting and reading the scriptures under the guidance of great
devotees.
5. Most importantly, pray, pray, pray. Bring your spiritual heart into your prayer.
Pray like the bird who sits in the nest waiting fervently for its mother to bring it food.
Pray like the thirsty calf who tugs at the rope binding it to a stake so it can run forward to its mother's udder.
Pray like the morose wife who yearns for her husband when he is away from home.

You will soon find that Krishna is only a prayer away. He is not like the stars in the winter sky, which are distant, cold, and unapproachable. When you reach Him in devotion, Krishna will respond to you in ways beyond your boldest imagination. Yes, the Lord is only a prayer away!

On the eve of 2011, I didn't have a single resolution - now I have five.
On the eve of 2011, I was hopeless - now I am hopeful.
Here's to a year of surrender, deepened awareness of Krsna's mercy and most of all, prayer.

Happy 2011!!

Full blossom...

"As a flower in the bud gradually fructifies and yields it's desired aroma and beauty, so when a living entity comes to the platform of Krsna consciousness, the beauty of his real form comes into full blossom. That is the ultimate beauty and the ultimate fulfillment of desires."

S.B 10.13.51 purport

Will you make Krsna smile today?

My new mantra is "Love and Devotion." I chant it as I cook, begin my japa, dress the deities or offer an arati. "Love and devotion Syamesvari, love and devotion," I chant in my head as I heat the oil or ghee, as I pick out turban pieces or set the arati tray. There are so many things I try to do for Krsna everyday, big and little, quick or time-consuming, but how many of them do I do in the right mood? How many things do I do with a loving 'This is for Your pleasure Krsna, not for my benefit' attitude? Hardly anything, I'm ashamed to admit. I do things out of habit, out of obligation, or for the selfish reason of getting rid of bad karma and hopefully ending my time in the material world. But without those two all-important ingredients - love and devotion - really, what benefit am I gaining anyway? Inattentive chanting is not nearly as potent or beneficial as attentive chanting is, so similarly, devotional service without the devotion is not nearly as sweet or as meaningful to me, or to Krsna.

If it weren't for seeing first-hand what real devotional service is, I wouldn't be aspiring after it myself. There are some amazing vaisnavas who are eagerly and purely serving the Lord, their hearts full of surrender and genuine affection for Krsna. These devotees are my role-models and their association makes me want to be a better devotee.

Of course simply chanting 'love and devotion' does not bring about those feelings. Like Srila Prabhupada once said, 'Chanting water, water, water does not quench your thirst.' But just as chanting 'water, water, water' reminds you of water, makes you meditate on it and possibly hanker after it, my 'love and devotion' mantra reminds me of what the real point of rendering any service to the Lord is.

Sivarama Swami gave a class some time ago entitled "Will you make Krsna smile today?" The introduction to that class reads : Srila Prabhupada explains that making the Lord smile by our pure devotion is the conclusion of all spiritual practices and the essence of Vrndavana life.

So now I realise that the aim is not merely to do something devotionally related to get it done - it is to make Krsna happy and make Him smile. And with no other motivation than bringing a sweet smile to Krsna's lips, performing even the simplest of tasks, like peeling potatoes or washing puja items can become our most devotion-filled tasks and we will gain the greatest benefit and satisfaction.

Will you make Krsna smile today?

Attract Krsna's Mercy!!!

I get a lot of amazing e-mails from a devotee in South Africa, Mother Cheron. Sometimes I don't have the time to read them, and many of them remain unopened, or half read, as I go off to study or chant my rounds or cook etc. But the heading of this e-mail 'Attract Krsna's mercy!!!" really got my attention, and not just because of the three exclamation points (although that certainly contributed!) After all, isn't that one of our important goals in Krsna Consciousness, to attract Krsna's attention and mercy? I have heard Bhakti Caitanya Swami say several times in class that when we go before the deities, it is not so that we can see Krsna, it is so that Krsna can see us, and see what we have done to increase our love and devotion for Him. In this excerpt from Kadamba Kanana Swami's class, he tells us how we can attract Krsna's mercy, and when we next stand before Krsna and Srimati Radharani, maybe Krsna will take special notice of us because we have made an extra endeavour to do things with more love and devotion.

* * *

"We should perform our service with love but we are not able to. Is it within our reach to love Krishna? Or is it granted by Krishna? It is always granted by Krishna. It is a gift from Krishna and it depends on Krishna’s mercy. The mercy of Krishna is causeless, so Krishna may give to whomever He likes - although one can do something to attract the mercy of Krishna because Krishna has a heart. So Krishna is full of appreciation. It is said that when Draupadi was going through that experience of Dushasana trying to pull her cloth, at that time she surrendered to Krishna and she called out " He Govinda". And Krishna later said that "Whenever I remember how Draupadi just surrendered unto Me, in My heart My appreciation for her is increasing." So Krishna deeply appreciates and feels enlivened by the service of His devotee. Thus devotional service can attract Krishna. And this is what we keep in mind. We may not have love for Krishna, but devotional service to Krishna can attract the mercy of Krishna."

~ H.H Kadamba Kanana Swami

* Thank you Cheron mataji for all the nectar you send my way :)

A rite of passage

(Srila Prabhupada giving initiation)

For many, the word initiation conjures thoughts of performing something painful or humiliating in order to be one of the select few of a particular group or society.

In the Hare Krishna movement, initiation is neither painful nor humiliating. It is a sweet and intimate rite of passage that forever connects you to your spiritual master and the guru parampara, all the way up to Krsna Himself.

I was fortunate enough to be a part of an initiation ceremony yesterday, where my husband and I received our second initiation, and where three enthusiastic and very deserving devotees received their first.

I was reminded of the nerves and anxiousness of the moments running up to the actual initiation - will I remember all 4 principles? What if I don't? What if I make a mistake? What is my new name going to be? All these thoughts run through your mind and make your head spin, but then you sit before your guru and he looks you straight in the eyes, and asks what the four principles are that you are vowing to follow for the rest of your life. And in that moment, its just you and him, taking such sacred vows - you vowing to follow those four principles, your guru vowing to take you back to Krsna. There is no moment like it.

I was happy to have been a part of that initiation and be reminded of the vows I took 5 years ago. Bhaktimarga Swami gave first initiation to three devotees, and three couples, including myself, received second initiation. Initially I felt so disconnected. My Guru Maharaja was not there, so I would never share that moment of him giving me the mantras and teaching me how to chant them. And from what Maharaja had told me (after he and Bhakti Caitanya spoke in South Africa), I was under the impression that he would simply e-mail me the mantras. But it worked out very well - my Guru Maharaja sent me a sound file of him saying the mantras, and Bhaktimarga Swami, who is my siksa-guru in every way, taught me, along with his other disciples, how to chant them. So rather than lacking in any way, I felt like I had been given a double-dose of mercy:) I was also glad to take this important step with my husband. We weren`t around for each others first initiations, and rather than just watch the other take their second initiation, we got to do it together.

All in all it was a good day and a very good experience. I pray that I am able to do more and more for Srila Prabhupada`s movement and be better able to serve Krsna and His devotees.

Divine Fragrances

"If one asks how it is such divine fragrances came to be, the answer is that mother earth has adopted the scent of Sri Krsna’s body at the time of His bath. When mother Yasoda removes His cloth, allowing it to fall to the ground, the assimilated scent of His limbs, which resembles a mixture of sandalwood pulp, camphor, musk and aguru, is immediately plundered by Prthvi devi, and then distributed to all her associate like the trees, bushes and flowers, who then transmit them to their offspring, the flowers. Each flower, according to its qualification, will receive some portion of this aroma which will then be known as its own bouquet."
Venu Gita by Sivarama Swami

That Which Shall Come to Pass

Recently I was doing some research on the qualities of Kali Yuga for the temples vyasa-puja offering to Srila Prabhupada.
Sukadeva Goswami, in the 12th Canto, lists the qualities that this age of Kali will be rife with.
Not only is it amazing that such specific predictions were made so many thousands of years ago, but it is also frightening that so many have already come to pass and are easily recognisable in our own personal lives and in the world around us.

Sukadeva Gosvami said: Then, O King, religion, truthfulness, cleanliness, tolerance, mercy, duration of life, physical strength and memory will all diminish day by day because of the powerful influence of the age of Kali.

In Kali-yuga, wealth alone will be considered the sign of a man's good birth, proper behavior and fine qualities. And law and justice will be applied only on the basis of one's power.

Men and women will live together merely because of superficial attraction, and success in business will depend on deceit. Womanliness and manliness will be judged according to one's expertise in sex, and a man will be known as a brahmana just by his wearing a thread.

A person's spiritual position will be ascertained merely according to external symbols, and on that same basis people will change from one spiritual order to the next. A person's propriety will be seriously questioned if he does not earn a good living. And one who is very clever at juggling words will be considered a learned scholar.

A person will be judged unholy if he does not have money, and hypocrisy will be accepted as virtue. Marriage will be arranged simply by verbal agreement, and a person will think he is fit to appear in public if he has merely taken a bath.

A sacred place will be taken to consist of no more than a reservoir of water located at a distance, and beauty will be thought to depend on one's hairstyle. Filling the belly will become the goal of life, and one who is audacious will be accepted as truthful. He who can maintain a family will be regarded as an expert man, and the principles of religion will be observed only for the sake of reputation.

As the earth thus becomes crowded with a corrupt population, whoever among any of the social classes shows himself to be the strongest will gain political power.

Losing their wives and properties to such avaricious and merciless rulers, who will behave no better than ordinary thieves, the citizens will flee to the mountains and forests.

Harassed by famine and excessive taxes, people will resort to eating leaves, roots, flesh, wild honey, fruits, flowers and seeds. Struck by drought, they will become completely ruined.

The citizens will suffer greatly from cold, wind, heat, rain and snow. They will be further tormented by quarrels, hunger, thirst, disease and severe anxiety.

The maximum duration of life for human beings in Kali-yuga will become fifty years.

By the time the age of Kali ends, the bodies of all creatures will be greatly reduced in size, and the religious principles of followers of varnasrama will be ruined. The path of the Vedas will be completely forgotten in human society, and so-called religion will be mostly atheistic. The kings will mostly be thieves, the occupations of men will be stealing, lying and needless violence, and all the social classes will be reduced to the lowest level of sudras. Cows will be like goats, spiritual hermitages will be no different from mundane houses, and family ties will extend no further than the immediate bonds of marriage. Most plants and herbs will be tiny, and all trees will appear like dwarf sami trees. Clouds will be full of lightning, homes will be devoid of piety, and all human beings will have become like asses. At that time, the Supreme Personality of Godhead will appear on the earth. Acting with the power of pure spiritual goodness, He will rescue eternal religion.
Srimad Bhagavatam 12.2 1 - 16

Doesn't it make you grateful to be alive in a time when, yes, things are bad, but also really, really good because we have the Sankirtan movement and Srila Prbhupada who are offering us a path out of this material world and the potential suffering it holds?

We have a chance to get out of this material world and go back to Godhead - so lets grab onto Lord Caitanya's lotus feet with both hands and make our way out.

Steppping stones in Ville-Marie

This Saturday, on February 14th, I celebrated my 24th birthday. Savyasacin planned a trip to Montreal, and I have to say, it was the perfect place to start off a new year.

When I turned 15, Bhakti Caitanya Swami said to me, "Use your birthday as a stepping stone in your Krsna Consciousness." Since then, my birthday has become my new year, a time when I reflect on what has been and what needs to be.

I realise that 24 is not all that old, but since I was a child, somehow 24 signalled that you were officially a grown up. 18 just meant you could drive and 21 meant you could get into certain clubs. 22 and 23 were practice runs for adulthood, and by 24 you should already have the grown-up business down - maturity, wisdom, responsibility and all the other things that come along with being an adult.

24 feels like ages away from 23. Perhaps it's because I got married last year, just after my birthday, and so much has changed in the space of one year. I have changed so much. In this last year and a half, I have dealt with my own set of issues - moving to a new country and dealing with those repercussions, being away from home and my family, the temple in Durban, my friends, Bhakti Caitanya Swami and everything that I was comfortable with. But I've also grown into a relationship that has healed a lot of old wounds, and allowed me to come out of the shell I always thought I was in.
And so, while I'm not sure that I have all the qualities of an adult, 24 has come to mean being more carefree, more playful, more light-hearted and more relaxed. I used to be chronically tightly wound. But learning to deal with all my old issues (thanks to my husband), I've taken a more laid-back, 'its-in-Krsna's hands' approach.

For a few days before, I tried to think of what I wanted 24 to be about. I wanted to use my birthday resolution as a stepping stone in my Krsna consciousness, but I also wanted to be realistic. I didn't want it to turn into a New Year resolution that lasts 3-5 days after January 1st, and then starts to lose its significance with each passing New Year, because you know you're not going to follow them anyway.

It was the morning of my birthday when we left for Montreal and I still hadn't decided. All the way there, I meditated on it. We arrived in Montreal. Still nothing.

Montreal is a beautiful, beautiful city, rich in history and culture, with a charming personality and a warm, welcoming embrace. It doesn't matter whether you're there in the summertime, or in the icy clutches of its snow laden winter, Montreal will always make you feel like there's no other place you'd rather live in.

There's a church around every corner. Over 400 to be more exact. Said Mark Twain, "This is the first time I was ever in a city where you couldn't throw a brick without breaking a church window." And they are all exquisite churches, inside and out.

Below is the interior of the Notre Dame Basilica, founded in 1642, when Montreal was just a village named Ville-Marie, the City of Mary.


Montreal is littered with cafes and restaurants, quaint and modern, and coupled with the sound of French being spoken and

the low rise, equally quaint buildings, you can't help but feel that you're no longer in Canada, but in Europe, Paris perhaps.

Photos by Savyasacin

My resolution inspiration came the next day, on Sunday evening. Not from the beautiful city itself, but from the treasure it houses on 1626 Boulevard Pie-X - Radha Manohar.

As I sat before Them, awed by not only Their height, but Their beauty, I was able to make my resolutions for 24.

1. To let go. To stop stressing and leave everything up to Krsna. And for me to be confident in the choices He makes for me, I need to invest more time and faith in Him. Which I hope to do by:

2. Being more conscientious in my spiritual life. And this extends beyond being attentive with my japa (although this is where it starts), to every other thing I do for Krsna. After so many years, little things like offering arati or doing a bhoga offering has become a habit, or an obligation. I want to be more aware when I'm doing these things, so that I feel more connected to Krsna by doing them. After all, I'm going to do Them anyway, so I may as well do Them right, with my mind on Krsna.

I pray that this year brings me closer and closer to Your lotus feet.

I also want to say a big, big thank you to my husband...he tolerated me when I was a nutcase at the best of times, and had the patience to deal with my spiritual and material issues. The time and effort he puts into his own spiritual life, as well as mine, has made me a more whole person and left me with the inspiration to be a better devotee.

My life may have changed, but it has definitely changed for the better.

Maybe I have grown up after all.

What I miss the most...

Ecstatic kirtan by my Guru Maharaja.

His inspiring association, kind words, ceaseless compassion and unlimited mercy have altered the course of my life. I pray that I may always have the shelter of his lotus feet.

nama-srestham manum api saci-putram atra svarupam
rupam tasyagrajam uru-purim mathurim gostavatim
radha-kundam giri-varam aho radhika-madhavasam
prapto yasya prathita-krpaya sri gurum tam nato 'smi

I offer my respectful obeisances to my spiritual master for by his mercy I have the hope of obtaining the best of all things, the holy name. By his mercy I have hope of obtaining the shelter of Sri Caitanya the son of Mother Saci and all of his intimate associates Srila Swarupa Damodar Goswami, Srila Rupa Goswami and his elder brother Srila Sanatana Goswami. By his mercy I have the hope of obtaining Mathura Mandala which contains the sacred forest of Vrindaban, and Radhkunda and Govardhan the best of the mountains. And by his mercy I have hope that some day I will attain the service of Shri Shri Radhika-Madhava.

It is what it is

This is my third and final year of Psychology. I am up to eyeballs in psychology textbooks, notes and assignments and, well, I've had quite enough of the stuff.
I confess to being intrigued by the workings of the human mind. Why do we do what we do when we do it? Many people are interested in having that question answered - maybe to better understand themselves and/or to better understand and help those around them.

I had a very different idea of what my psychology classes would be like when I first began working on my degree 2 years ago. I thought that it would give me a solid answer to my 'why-do-we-do-what-we-do-when-we-do-it' question. It hasn't.

Instead every topic is surrounded by theories - many, many theories - each with limitations, advantages, disadvantages, capabilities, strengths and weaknesses. For a simple topic such as motivation, I have studied at least nine different theories - Maslow, McClellands Needs Theory, Herzbergs two facto theory, the goal setting theory, etc, etc.
There is no one theory that is absolutely correct. No one theory that proves the absolute truth behind different subject matters. Instead one scholar puts forth a theory, it is accepted as the truth for some time, only to have another scholar come forward disputing his/her theory and putting forward his own. Nothing lasts very long in the psychology world.

Actually it seems like a whole lot of speculation.

But it has made me realise and appreciate one thing:
There is only one place we can look to in order to understand the workings of the mind - scripture. There are no theories, limitations or weaknesses to what Srila Prabhupada puts forward in his books. It is what is. Bas. Prabhpada has not taken something from the Bhgavatam, disqualified certain aspects of it and then built upon what was left of it. No. It is what it always has been - the absolute truth.

I know that Sita Pati Prabhu is arguing whether Krsna Consciousness should be referred to as a science, and I'm not nearly scholarly enough to get into that. But whatever it is, I am glad that it is absolute and 'as it is'. No speculation, no attempts at logic, no conflicting theories. Rather it the simple, uncomplicated, deep and meaningful truth.

Drama on New Years Day

New Remuna Dhama, the temple in Toronto, holds a Prabhupada Festival on the 1st of January every year.
In a lot of temples, either there is a celebration at midnight or on the 1st itself, but rarely both! So it was great to bring in the New Year with darshan of Radha Damodar along with a sweet Guruvastakam kirtan at midnight (in the warmth of the Brampton temple, whilst the Toronto devotees braved the -12 degree iciness during their downtown harinam), and then go on to associate with devotees and chant Hare Krsna later that same day.

We put on a drama, The 8th Boy, under Bhaktimarga Swami's direction. It was an updated version of the first one we put on on Janmastami. Unfortunately technology wasn't really on our side that evening, as the sound came and went as it pleased, and the audience missed some of the best music of the drama. Nonetheless, all the devotees worked really hard, giving up alot of their personal time to work on the drama and I hope that the devotees, along with Srila Prabhupada, were pleased.

Rasa Dance

Trnavarta and Bakasura :)

Kamsa and Putana

Devaki, Nanda and Vasudeva

Oh yes...HAPPY NEW YEAR!! I hope that it is filled with much devotional service, mercy and love. And if you've made resolutions (I resolved never to make New Year resolutions 6 years ago) I hope that you see them through, and that they make you a better, stronger devotee:)

Photos taken by Yajna Gauranga prabhu.

Real strength is spiritual strength

For some time now, I have been feeling the need to become stronger in my spiritual life and recapture the zest I had for Krsna Consciousness when I was younger. The changes in the past three years or so have taken a toll on me - going back to university, moving away from the amazing festivals and association in Durban, particularly my Guru Maharaja and trying to adjust to a new country and lifestyle. But beyond that has been my becoming complacent in my spiritual life - a feeling that I have reached my goal - taking initiation. And so, I have not fought as hard as I should to keep myself spiritually inspired, do not read as much as I should to keep my Krsna consciousness ever-fresh and am not as dilligent in my sadhana as I should to keep maya away.

Its a bitter pill to swallow - realising that after 5 years of initiation, I am not a better devotee. Rather than take care of the tiny creeper that was planted by my Guru Maharaja's mercy, I have neglected it, doing the bare minimum to make sure that it grows, albeit not strong and healthy enough to blossom.

And I have felt the repercussions. A feeling of disconnect, a lack of reciprocation, a sense of no longer being the recipient of Krsna's mercy. And if I'm not working for it, not hankering for it, why should I get it? A piece of maha, the Lords garland, some old jewellery - receieving these things in the past felt like such a personal exchange between myself and Krsna. And for the longest time - nothing!

Srila Prabhupada speaks the following words on Lord Nityananda's appearance day in Orissa in 1977:
"On the spiritual strength, the body moves. Suppose you have got a very good car, Mercedes car or Rolls Royce car. But when there is no petrol, how the car will move? It is not possible. There is spirit, petrol spirit. Similarly, real strength is spiritual strength.

That spiritual strength is Balarama. Bala means strength. Therefore we have to take shelter of the lotus feet of Balarama, guru-tattva.
Balarama means guru-tattva. Balarama represents guru. Yasya prasadad bhagavat-prasadah. If we want to understand Caitanya Mahaprabhu, if we want to understand Krishna, then we must take shelter of Balarama.

Nayamatma bala-hinena labhyah. This bala- hinena labhyah, this Vedic injunction, means. Without the mercy of Balarama you cannot understand, you cannot realize your spiritual identification.

So that Balarama comes as Nityananda Prabhu. Balarama haila nitai. Therefore we must take shelter of Balarama. That is... This song has been sung by Narottama dasa Thakura. Nitai-pada-kamala, koti-candra-susitala. If we take shelter of Nityananda Prabhu, then we get peace.

Koti-candra-susitala. Just like in daytime, especially in the summer season, we become very much exasperated. But at night, in the evening, as soon as there is moonshine, we become very much satisfied. All days labor and fatigue is immediately moved. So nitai-pada-kamala, the shade of Nityananda Prabhu's lotus feet, is koti-candra-susitala, as pleasing as one crore of moonshine. One moonshine gives us so much pleasure. So if we want actually peace of mind, if we actually want to be free from this material fatiguement, then we must take the shelter of Nityananda Prabhu.

Nityananda Prabhu is the strength, spiritual strength. And without spiritual strength you cannot approach Krishna. Nayamatma pravaca... Simply by talking nonsense... Nayamatma pravacanena labhyah. If you are a good speaker, that does not mean you'll understand, yourself. Na medhaya: Neither by good brain. Because you have got very good brain you'll understand Krishna-no. Nayamatma pravacanena labhyo na medhaya na bahuna srutena. If you think that you are a very good scholar, university degree-holder, then you'll understand-no. This is not possible.

So we must have spiritual strength. That source of spiritual strength is Balarama, Krishna's next manifestation, prakasa- vigraha. Krishna is manifesting Himself through Balarama. So we have to take shelter of Nityananda Prabhu."


So I have been praying to my deities, to Lord Balarama, to give me spiritual strength. And for the first time in a long time I feel sincere. Or perhaps not sincere, but desperate. Desperate for the strength I need to be sincere. To be enthusiastic. To face the obstacles that stand in the way of being more involved here in this new country and emerge a better devotee for it.

And finally, I feel like I have cried out loudly enough that Krsna has heard me.

After attending Yamuna Jivana and Siobhan's wedding at the Toronto temple on Sunday, too tired to dance, I sat down and enjoyed Bhaktimarga Swami's kirtan.

Mother Caitanya Devi, a sweet, sweet devotee, came up to and put something in my hand. A piece of bark. I looked up at her, a little confused.

"It's from Ekacakra," she shouted over the kirtan. "Lord Nityananda's birthplace." Then she smiled and gave me a few pebbles.

I was awestruck. A small piece of bark and some stones - all I needed to feel re-inspired.

Of course I have a long way to go, but this was just the boost my spiritual life needed.

I am eternally grateful to Lord Nityananda and His dear devotee, Mother Caitanya devi for their kindness.I pray that I may become stronger and stronger in my spiritual life and be truly worthy of the Lords' mercy.

House Guests and Rapping Grannies

2 days ago we had our very first house guest. Having only half-moved, we were caught completely by surprise when H.H Bhaktimarga Swami was caught in snow and traffic nearby and needed a place to stay.

It was around 9.15 pm when that phone call took place - the house was a mess and we were exhausted from packing and moving earlier that day. We had 45 minutes before Maharaja arrived. We cleaned like 2 energiser bunnies and when Maharaja arrived at 10.15 pm the house was semi-decent. Whew.

Most of our linens were in the other house, but Maharaja and Devadatta graciously accepted what little we had to offer them in terms of comfort.

We all went to bed just before midnight. Savyasacin and Maharaja went on an early morning japa walk, at around 6, and returned at 7.30.

While stuck in traffic the night before, Maharaja said to Devadatta, " They should be living downtown, close to the temple!" but after his walk, experiencing the close proximity of Mount Nemo and the peacefulness of the area, he told us that we should never move :) We're definitely looking forward to having Maharaja over more often.

With that visit, I was re-reminded of Maharaja's humility, kindness, and good-nature.

In South Africa I got to have Maharaja's association only once a year, and now, I'm almost spoilt with it. And Maharaja quickly diminishes any awe and reverence you may have with his kindness and personable manner. But familiarity can creep in and take the edge off the respect we should always have.

So I was glad to be put into some anxiety about his stay with us. It reminded me of times in South Africa when my Guru Maharaja would come over and we would all be in anxiety about making sure everything was just perfect. It shook me up a little and reminded me "This is Bhaktimarga Swami!" Not just any guest in my home, but a dear disciple of Srila Prabhupada, who works tirelessly to spread Krsna Consciousness.

So for once, I was grateful for the snow - it sent a wonderful vaisnava our way and gave my husband and I an opportunity to serve and associate with Maharaja.

As Maharaja was leaving we handed us a CD to try out - The Granny Rapper :)

You can check out her song 'Stuck in a Rut' here. :)

Would you believe that she's Maharaja's god-sister? I think her name is Mandakini dd, from Australia. Maharaja described her as a wonderful devotee.

Go granny!

A Canadian Fall

An early morning japa walk turned into a leaf-picking expedition, that evolved into a photography session. I am in awe of Autumn right now.

In South Africa, particularly Durban, the leaves turn brown and then drop off, all rather unceremoniously.

But here in Canada, it is as if the Demigod of Seasons (and surely if there are 33 million demigods, there MUST be a demigod of seasons:) has used the trees as his (or her) canvas, and painted the leaves using red and orange paint, in every possible shade the two colours may create.

Burnt oranges, rusty reds, golden yellows. I think the photos do a better job of portraying the variety of rich and vibrant colours fall has produced.

Coming from a country where the seasons blend into each other unnoticed, where one day can produce 4 seasons, it's a pleasure to be in a place where each season comes with its own unique characteristics and mood. Fall, with it's crisp, cool air and warm colours, seems a time to be outdoors, to be thoughtful, creative and meditative, a period of winding-down after a fast-paced summer. It inspires those things in me, at least.

And while it does precede my least favourite Canadian season, I am determined to take advantage of the rest of it's good qualities.

There is a beautiful description of autumn in the Krsna book, full of wonderful analogies:

"Everything becomes naturally beautiful with the appearance of the autumn season. Similarly, when a materialistic person takes to Krsna consciousness and spiritual life, he also becomes as clear as the sky and water in autumn. The autumn season takes away the rolling of dark clouds in the sky as well as the polluted water. Filthy conditions on the ground also become cleansed. Similarly, a person who takes to Krsna consciousness immediately becomes cleansed of all dirty things within and without. Krsna is therefore known as Hari. "Hari" means "he who takes away." Krsna immediately takes away all unclean habits from anyone who takes to Krsna consciousness. The clouds of autumn are white, for they do not carry any water. Similarly, a retired man, being freed from all responsibility of family affairs (namely, maintaining the home, wife and children) and taking completely to Krsna consciousness, becomes freed from all anxieties and looks as white as clouds in autumn...Because of the appearance of the autumn season, the water of the ocean becomes calm and quiet, just as a person developed in self-realization is no longer disturbed by the three modes of material nature...During the daytime in autumn, the sun is very scorching, but at night, due to the clear moonshine, people get relief from the day's fatigue. If a person takes shelter of Mukunda, or Krsna, he can be saved from the fatigue of misidentifying the body with the self. Mukunda, or Krsna, is also the source of solace to the damsels of Vrndavana. The damsels of Vrajabhumi are always suffering because of separation from Krsna. When they meet Krsna during the moonlit autumn night, their fatigue of separation is also satiated. When the sky is clear of all clouds, the stars at night shine very beautifully; similarly, when a person is actually situated in Krsna consciousness, he is cleared of all dirty things, and he becomes as beautiful as the stars in the autumn sky...During autumn, the moon looks very bright along with the stars in the clear sky. Lord Krsna Himself appeared in the sky of the Yadu dynasty, and He was exactly like the moon surrounded by the stars, or the members of the Yadu dynasty...In Vrndavana the autumn season was very beautiful then because of the presence of the Supreme Personality of Godhead, Krsna and Balarama."

A lesson from dance class

tan-nāma-rūpa-caritādi-sukīrtanānu-
smṛtyoḥ krameṇa rasanā-manasī niyojya
tiṣṭhan vraje tad-anurāgi janānugāmī
kālaḿ nayed akhilam ity upadeśa-sāram

"The essence of all advice is that one should utilize one 's full time - twenty-four hours a day - in nicely chanting and remembering the Lord 's divine name, transcendental form, qualities and eternal pastimes, thereby gradually engaging one 's tongue and mind. In this way one should reside in Vraja and serve Krishna under the guidance of devotees. One should follow in the footsteps of the Lord 's beloved devotees, who are deeply attached to His devotional service."
Nectar of Instruction, Text 8

Nectar of Instruction is one of my favourite books - its so concise and to-the-point. Srila Prabhupada's last lines of the preface read "...but Upadesamrita constitutes the first instructions for neophyte devotees. One should follow these instructions very strictly. Then it will be easier to make ones life successful. Hare Krsna."
I've been re-reading the Nectar of Instruction and I particularly like this 8th verse, which is like the essesnce of the essence, which makes it, well, essential. Lame attempt at a play on words aside, it made me look at my spiritual life and think "Practically, how can I utilize all my time and make myself stronger in my Krsna consciousness?" Lately chanting my rounds has not come easy. When I had an interesting development (or breakthrough) with my Odissi dancing, I realised that what I learnt in that situation, could easily be applied to my spiritual life, and make the instruction above possible to follow (apart from the living in Vraja part).

I went to a dance class last week after a month. Ordinarily, I would have found this daunting. But in the four weeks between my classes I had been working out at the gym, doing yoga, pilates and a bit of tai-chi. I was also taking some time out each day to practice my foot work (pada sadhana). So when I finally went in to my dance class, I was pleasantly surprised to find that my stamina had increased, and dance class was actually a pleasant experience, as opposed to a breathless, clock-watching one. Don't get me wrong - its not that I am suddenly perfect, but arranging my activities to support my dancing has made me physically stronger, for sure.

This experience can be applied to anything - but especially to my spiritual life. Pure devotional service is what every devotee is aspiring for - to remember Krsna, His pastimes and qualities at every moment, so that when his last moment approaches, it is Krsna that is on His mind and in his heart. Reading, cooking, offering arati, chanting, praying and serving the devotees, this is the yoga, pilates and tai chi of my devotional life. All these things build my devotional stamina - so that when I am chanting my rounds it's a pleasant, meaningful experience as opposed to a clock-watching, mind-wandering one:)

Sometimes with my chanting, as it is with my dancing, its hard to feel inspired. No matter how deep I dig, I can't quite find the enthusiasm to practice either. There are times when I feel like its just not possible to start Odissi at my age, that my body is too stiff and set in its ways. And when I feel this way - as easy as it is to give in and to give up - I look for inspiration. I think of all the classical dancers that inspire me - usually that means looking at photos of Odissi dancers in graceful and captivating poses. Recently, it has meant thinking back to the dance performances I witnessed by Anapayini and her girls from Alachua, at the Toronto Rathayatra. Their performance left me feeling inspired and hopeful - that if I was determined and disciplined enough, I had a good shot at being half decent.

Similarly, when inspiration is lacking in my devotional life, I look to those devotees who fill me with hope, admiration and faith. Sometimes its personalities like Narottam das Thakur, sometimes Srila Prabhupada, at other times my guru and other disciples of Srila Prabhupada and sometimes its a devotee I may only hear about, but never meet. But the result is the same - when I think of these vaisnava's and vaisnavi's I see the end result of faith, determination and enthusiasm - happiness and contentment at Krsna's lotus feet - and it inspires me to follow in their footsteps.

"A devotee should...always engage in the remembrance of Sri Krsna and His beloved associates. By following in the footsteps of such associates and by entering under their eternal guidance, one can acquire an intense desire to the serve the Supreme Personality of Godhead."
Rupa Goswami, Nectar of Devotion

So thank you to all the devotees who inspire me in my devotional service, simply by being so inspired in theirs.

p.s

There are kirtans that get my feet tapping, there are some that make me close my eyes and think of Krsna, and there are some that just take me to another place...not the spiritual world directly, but to a place where I was joyous, immersed in Krsna consciousness and inspired.
And that place is Sri Vrindavana Dham...and that kirtan is a kirtan lead by Ananta Govinda Prabhu at the 24 hour Kirtan at New Vrindavana.

Now I wasn't at the festival, but I came across some of the kirtans on http://www.krishna.com/en/node/1241. They're all great, but the first kirtan listed, reminded me not of any particular kirtaneer in Vrindavana, but just of BEING at the temple in Vrindavana. The melody, the flute, the devotees chanting along...when I haerd it I felt like I was back at Krsna-Balarama mandir, I felt the heat, I smelt the incense and roses from the garlands, I could just see Radhe-Shyam, Gaura Nitai, I could hear the cows mooing in the distance, someone shouting 'Radhe!', I could hear the bell chiming the time, feel the cold marble beneath my feet, feel myself being shoved by the locals in their eagerness to take darshan...sigh...bliss.

Just thought I'd share...among those kirtans listed you're bound to find something that transports you...maybe not to Vrindavana, but somewhere special, that inspires you to think of Krsna.

Heart to Heart

When I read a diary post of Sacinanda Swami after a japa retreat, this excerpt really stood out, grabbed and held my attention.

"On a personal level I learned:When you call out from the heart - your chanting reaches Krsna's heart; a heart to heart relationship takes place. When you only chant with the tongue, your chanting does not pass beyond the Lord's ears. He hears you -but His heart does not reach out to you."

HH Sacinandana Swami

Our fearless soldiers

So many of us have heard of, and even follow closely, the experiences of Partha-Sarathi das in Iraq. Most of us haven't met him, but he has an impact on our lives nonetheless.
He inspires. Simply by being the person that he is and doing the things that he does the way he does it, he inspires. Is it not amazing that we have a devotee out in Iraq, facing death everyday, and yet remaining fixed at the lotus feet of Krsna? In such a fearful situation he puts all his faith in the holy name and just gets on with it. And he's made a couple of devotees while doing it!

I've never met him. I've seen him several times with Kadamba Kanana Swami at our Durban Rathayatra, but my husband shared a room with him last year at Rathayatra (before we were married or had even met) and was just blown away by his humility, his devotion and just the great guy that he was.

I got in touch with him this morning. I think its important that as devotees we let each other know how much they are appreciated. Its a big and important part of our vaisnava culture. In it he replied, "Thank you so much for the letter. It was very nice to read, even if the words best suit some other devotee. It is still hard for me to really grasp that I am some sort of inspiration. I am just a normal guy doing a service. unlike many other devotees in ISKCON."

And that's just it...he is just doing a service...but it's the way in which he's doing it and the people's lives that he's changing while doing it.

"For me being in Iraq is neither an austerity, nor is it a hellish condition. It is a place I ended up somehow or other, a place where I can freely give the message of Sri Caitanya to so many souls. It is not about the insurgency, it is not about supporting the current government of America. It is about following in the footsteps of great devotees and giving our hearts to all we meet. To me it is what I owe Srila Prabhupada. He gave up so much to save us. he endured so many obstacles. I am not a pure soul, I a struggling like any other soul in the material world. But by the mercy of Srila Prabhupada he has given me the gift of devotional service. To keep it to myself is miserly."
Partha-Sarathi das
19 April 2008; Iraq

ISKCON has many preachers who have preached fearlessly in the past and preachers who are fearlessly preaching right now. In South Africa alone, devotees like my Guru Maharaj, Partha-Sarathi das Goswami, Riddha Prabhu, Ramanujacarya...faced so much trouble establishing Krsna Consciousness in a country riddled by apartheid; Sarvabhavana prabhu and so many others who risked their lives to distribute books; Indradyumna Swami who faces so many obstacles with his Festival of India, and those who just go on and on preaching despite the price they pay with their health. And no doubt there are many, many more fearless warriors that I have not mentioned or even heard about.

Srila Prabhupada has spiritual soldiers and warriors that he can surely be proud of.

Thank you, to all of you, for showing us how its really done :)

P.S Check out Partha-Sarathi das's website www.battlefieldbhajans.com

The old young me

I long to be the girl I used to be...the old, young me

I've kept a journal since I was 14. I loved the therapeutic qualities it offered. A friend who shared none of your secrets, but offered you advice and guidance in a gentle non-intrusive way. Every detail of my life is recoreded in about 7 different books. And every now and then, the desire to look back would wash over me and I'd reach for an old journal. Finding my old journals at home was like reconnecting with an old friend. It was amusing in a 'God-I-was-so-immature-I-can't-believe-i-thought-that-way' kinda way; cringe-worthy in a 'oh-GOD-I-can't-believe-i-thought-that-way' kinda way and inspiring in a 'god-i-wish-i-still-thought-that-way' kinda way. (Thats a sentence with way too many ways!)
I read a journal from 2003, at a point in my life when i was chanting 32 rounds - "Something just hit me so hard - can you imagine that exact moment when you go back to the spiritual world and see Radhe-Shyam face-to-face? How amazing that must be! To see Their faces, see how They walk, hear Their voices...That just makes me want to chant and chant and chant and just get there!"
That inspired me...the person that I was and the way I used to think, inspired me. I want to chant extra rounds again, like I was doing back then, instead of struggling to get just get through 16. I want to be thinking long-term about my spiritual life again. Reading that, looking into the past at a fresh, excited, spiritually enlived me has inspired me!!

Resolution: Think like the old me and write more and more so that I can keep me going and in check in the future!

I loved dancing. I still do. But I did it a whole lot more when I was younger and with a whole lot more passion. Whether it meant going to Kathak and Bharatnatyam dance classes; dancing in Bhaktimarga Swamis dramas or special events; or just turning the stereo on and letting loose...It was what I loved doing most. It was when I felt the most alive; that I was doing something that I not just loved, but was actually half-way good at.
I remember dancing at a benefit concert in South Africa hosted by Bhakti Caru Swami. It was an evening of drama and classical music by some Indian musicians Maharaj had brought down. Afterwards the tabla player, an elderly gentleman said to me that it was one of the best dances he had ever seen. Now THAT meant something. I don't necessarily agree with him, mind you - but it inspired me.

Resolution: Dance like no ones watching!! Also - go back to Kathak classes!!

I remember visiting Vrindavana some years ago during Kartik, knowing that I would return to South Africa with my very own Krsna-Balaram deities. It was the realisation of one of my oldest, strongest desires.
My grandparents took my cousin and I to Vrindavana for the first time when we 11 years old and non-devotees. It was Kartik and anyone who's ever been there during Kartik knows that, while Vrindavana is a transcendentally special place all year round, there is just something that makes it even more special. Everything in Vrindavana was overwhelming and so utterly charming - the parrots at sunset; the cows mooing in the distance; the peacocks crying at dawn; the bells ringing in the evening, and just the presence of beautiful Radhe-Shyam and Krsna Balarama. I lost my heart in Vrindavana (and no its not a cliche), but I specifically lost it to Krsna-Balarama who I fell in love with the moment that I saw Them. It was there that I first chanted Hare Krsna, wore a sari and did some devotional service. Cutting the wicks for the Damodarastakam lamps - that was the first piece of devotional service I ever rendered. And with a knife, not scissors mind you. Lots of blisters after.) So Vrindavana, and Krsna Balarama, are very significant and special to me.
So when They kindly allowed me to take care of Them, it was a major, major moment in my life. Having Them in my home, to be able to see Them and serve Them every single day was so, so amazing. They were my direct link with Vrindavana.
But as time has passed, I've gotten busier and let other things take priority over serving Them. I want to serve Them again like I did when I was younger - with the love and appreciation They deserve.

Resolution: Make Dauji-Kanaiyalal my priority!!

So I realise that as life goes on change is inevitable. I can't really be the person I was 5 years ago. Alot has happened since then that has encouraged, or forced, me to grow up. I guess in essence, I want to do the things that I enjoyed and were good for me; things I haven't outgrown but neglected. There are some areas in my spiritual life, and life in general, that need a bit of shaking up and the old young me is just the gal to do it:)