Dear Krishna...

Little Raj came into the kitchen where his mother was making dinner. His birthday was coming up and he thought this was a good time to tell his mother what he wanted. "Mom, I want a bike for my birthday."

Little Raj was a bit of a troublemaker. He had gotten into trouble at school and at home. Raj's mother asked him if he thought he deserved to get a bike for his birthday. Little Raj, of course, thought he did. Raj's mother wanted Raj to reflect on his behaviour over the last year. "Go to your room, Raj, and think about how you have behaved this year. Then write a letter to Krishna and tell him why you deserve a bike for your birthday."

Little Raj stomped up the steps to his room and sat down to write Krishna a letter.

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Letter 1: Dear Krishna, I have been a very good boy this year and I would like a bike for my birthday. I want a red one. Your friend, Raj

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Raj knew that this wasn't true. He had not been a very good boy this year, So he tore up the letter and started over.

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Letter 2: Dear Krishna, This is your friend Raj. I have been a good boy this year and I would like a red bike for my birthday. Thank you. Your friend, Raj

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Raj knew that this wasn't true either. So, he tore up the letter and started again.

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Letter 3: Dear Krishna, I have been an OK boy this year. I still would really like a bike for my birthday. Raj

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Raj knew he could not send this letter to krishna either. So, Raj wrote a fourth letter.

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Letter 4: Krishna, I know I haven't been a good boy this year. I am very sorry. I will be a good boy if you just send me a bike for my birthday please! Thank you, Raj

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Raj knew, even if it was true, this letter was not going to get him a bike. Now, Raj was very upset. He went downstairs and told his mom that he wanted to go to temple. Raj's mother thought her plan had worked, as Raj looked very sad. "Just be home in time for dinner", Raj's mother told him. Raj walked down the street to the temple on the corner. Little Raj went into the temple and up to the altar. He looked around to see if anyone was there. Raj bent down and picked up a statue of the Radha. He slipped the statue under his shirt and ran out of the temple, down the street, into the house, and up to his room.

He shut the door to his room and sat down with a piece of paper and a pen. Raj began to write his letter to Krishna.

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Letter 5: Krishna, I'VE KIDNAPPED YOUR GIRLFRIEND. IF YOU WANT TO SEE HER AGAIN, SEND THE BIKE!!!!!!

(Just for laughs...OBVIOUSLY!!)

Early morning darshan

With Your sweet, sweet smile

The tilt of Your hips

Your kind lotus eyes

The bamboo flute at your lips

Early in the morning

Without Your mukut in Your hair

Free of Your ornaments and all the fanfare

...

Just a sweet, simple cowherd boy

That is how I love you best

Ksiracora Gopinath - The thief of sweet-rice...and hearts

I just realised that despite being here for two full years, this is my very first post about the deities in Toronto. Admittedly when I arrived here I expected to feel some kind of instant connection to the deities...I felt that way in South Africa with Radha-Radhanath, Nitai-Gaurahari in Lenasia, Krsna-Balarama and Radhe-Shyam in Vrindavana. Instead, upon my first darshan of the deities I felt nothing . Well, perhaps thats an exaggeration! I knew it was Krsna and so I felt respectful. But that was about it.

Then I travelled to Detroit and Montreal and, especially in Montreal, found myself deeply attracted and attached to those deities. And my lack of feeling for Radha Ksiracora-Gopinath began to bug me - to the point where I wrote to my Guru Maharaja, freaking out a little bit. He explained that its natural to be more attracted to certain deities, but if I were to do some personal service for Them then my attachment to Them would grow.

Living in Kitchener and now Milton hasn't quite allowed any kind of regular deity service, but in these two years I've been fortunate enough to be involved in Bhaktimarga Swami's dramas. And even though it wasn't personal service - I was not preparing an offering for the Lord, or setting Their jewellery, or even wiping the altar floor - but it was still service that I did for Their pleasure.

And somewhere along the line, I lost my heart to Them. Perhaps it was the long, tiring hours of rehearsals where Their darshan, and knowing that it was for Them that we worked so long and so hard, were the two things that kept me going; or maybe it was on a quiet day, chanting japa before Their beautiful forms. I don't know when it happened...I'm just glad that it did.

This Gopinath is not just a sweet-rice thief, he is a stealer of hearts. If you're lucky, He will steal your heart immediately. Or it may take longer. But one way or the other, without even realising it, He will definitely steal your heart.

Will you make Krsna smile today?

My new mantra is "Love and Devotion." I chant it as I cook, begin my japa, dress the deities or offer an arati. "Love and devotion Syamesvari, love and devotion," I chant in my head as I heat the oil or ghee, as I pick out turban pieces or set the arati tray. There are so many things I try to do for Krsna everyday, big and little, quick or time-consuming, but how many of them do I do in the right mood? How many things do I do with a loving 'This is for Your pleasure Krsna, not for my benefit' attitude? Hardly anything, I'm ashamed to admit. I do things out of habit, out of obligation, or for the selfish reason of getting rid of bad karma and hopefully ending my time in the material world. But without those two all-important ingredients - love and devotion - really, what benefit am I gaining anyway? Inattentive chanting is not nearly as potent or beneficial as attentive chanting is, so similarly, devotional service without the devotion is not nearly as sweet or as meaningful to me, or to Krsna.

If it weren't for seeing first-hand what real devotional service is, I wouldn't be aspiring after it myself. There are some amazing vaisnavas who are eagerly and purely serving the Lord, their hearts full of surrender and genuine affection for Krsna. These devotees are my role-models and their association makes me want to be a better devotee.

Of course simply chanting 'love and devotion' does not bring about those feelings. Like Srila Prabhupada once said, 'Chanting water, water, water does not quench your thirst.' But just as chanting 'water, water, water' reminds you of water, makes you meditate on it and possibly hanker after it, my 'love and devotion' mantra reminds me of what the real point of rendering any service to the Lord is.

Sivarama Swami gave a class some time ago entitled "Will you make Krsna smile today?" The introduction to that class reads : Srila Prabhupada explains that making the Lord smile by our pure devotion is the conclusion of all spiritual practices and the essence of Vrndavana life.

So now I realise that the aim is not merely to do something devotionally related to get it done - it is to make Krsna happy and make Him smile. And with no other motivation than bringing a sweet smile to Krsna's lips, performing even the simplest of tasks, like peeling potatoes or washing puja items can become our most devotion-filled tasks and we will gain the greatest benefit and satisfaction.

Will you make Krsna smile today?

An explosion of colour

I can hear the raindrops, pitter-pattering on the roof
"Springtime is coming", they sing, "and we are the proof!"
To soft gentle raindrops the snowflakes have turned
And brought with it weather for which we have yearned
A few weeks ago the snow was steadily falling
And with it a wind icy cold, whistling and howling
But with each passing day it gets warmer and warmer
The wind has died down and the air is much calmer
The blankets of snow are melting away
The sun has come out and chased off the grey
The earth may be muddy, but the grass is green
The roads may be slushy, but the air is clean
The tulips are blooming - loud and bright
Daffodils and hyacinths - such a welcome sight!

Radha and Krsna begin Their spring sport
He throws on Her colours once She's been caught
Vermillion and yellow, blue, pink and green
Such an explosion of colour has never been seen
A festival of beauty, of joy and of love
Bursts forth in the colours that fall from above
And just like in Vraja springtime, does bring
A time of devotion - for Krsna we we'll dance and we'll sing

So winter is over and here is the proof -
The pitter-patter of raindrops falling on the roof

- P.S Happy Holi!!

I am the stone

I love that Canada is surrounded by such great diversity and culture.

I came across this poem last November, posted up on the inside of the bus, as I travelled to an exam. Its quite a different scenario from travelling in a bus in South Africa (which I would probably be too afraid to attempt anyway). But if I did, I would be bombarded by issues on public health, AIDS, immunisation etc. Actually in South Africa, it has its place and plays an important role in educating the many people who take public transport, and did not grow up knowing basic things that a lot of us take for granted.

But it was a nice change, an unexpected bit of pleasantness, taking the bus and being surrounded by Canadian poetry. I would sit on one side of the bus, read the poetry along the opposite side, then switch sides to read the the poetry along the other side. It made a dreary bus trip an enjoyable one.

This is a poem by George Faludy, said to be one of Hungary's greatest poets. He lived in Toronto from 1967 - 1989, before returning to Hungary, and passing away in 2006. It is entitled 'Michelangelo's Last Prayer.'

Your anvil is the earth, and with your right arm

You span the arc of heaven like the sun.

Eight decades on this scaffolding a - lifetime -

I sought a sign of you, but there was none

Under my chisel marble fell to stonedust,

But only torsos, idols would be born.

I found you not, elusive, radiant, sunburst,

Who glowed there pulsing under every stone.

I have myself become an ancient stone block,

Split by vines, a still, curmudgeonly old rock,

But in my soul the old flame yet burns on

How can I shed this flesh that holds me prisoner?

Strike me, if you can love a hoary sinner,

Divine Sculptor, My God. I am the stone.

It's nice to be able to sit in a bus and have a realisation related your spiritual life.

I am the stone - rough, hard, plain, uninspired, uninspiring.

I pray that Krsna, as my Divine Sculptor, can shape me into the type of devotee He wants me to be, the type of devotee I should be.

I pray that I see all my life experiences, whether painful or pleasant, joyful or heartbreaking, as Krsna shaping me, chiseling away at my false ego, my pride and my material attachments; smoothing away my imperfections; carving out a devotee who is worthy of serving Him, not only in this lifetime, but in all my lifetimes to come.

Isolation, Torture, Hope

Jayadeva prabhu sent me the final version of the painting I used in my migraine post, suggesting that I could replace the unfinished version with the finished painting.

I think its such a great painting, that anyone who's ever had a migraine could relate to, so I thought it deserved a post of its own. Here's what he says about it :

It's a rather symbolic image. The four people on the right symbolizes the people that don't suffer from migraines and that are ignorant to the intense pain and suffering caused by them (hence they have their backs turned to the man curled up on the ground).

The man curled up on the ground in the fetal position obviously represents someone suffering from a migraine attack.

The collage image on the left with the men/soldiers pointing at the prisoner sitting in front of them represents the demigods or material laws of nature sentencing or punishing the prisoner.

The idea is that we are prisoners to the material energy and our karma and at any moment we can be "sentenced" to have to suffer in some terrible way (this way just happening to be through a migraine).

The figure in the foreground is obviously experiencing the pain of a migraine, with stabbing knives into the side of the head. The hooks or rings pulling the mouth open relate to the sensation I used to get of numbness in my lips and gums (for some reason I don't feel that kind of numbness any more when I get them). The figure is reaching his hand towards the blue sky, hoping for relief and salvation from his pain.

The reddish-orange and brown tones symbolize these feelings of pain and intensity of despair and suffering. This painting is actually titled, "Isolation, Torture, Hope".

Thank you prabhu!!

It is what it is

This is my third and final year of Psychology. I am up to eyeballs in psychology textbooks, notes and assignments and, well, I've had quite enough of the stuff.
I confess to being intrigued by the workings of the human mind. Why do we do what we do when we do it? Many people are interested in having that question answered - maybe to better understand themselves and/or to better understand and help those around them.

I had a very different idea of what my psychology classes would be like when I first began working on my degree 2 years ago. I thought that it would give me a solid answer to my 'why-do-we-do-what-we-do-when-we-do-it' question. It hasn't.

Instead every topic is surrounded by theories - many, many theories - each with limitations, advantages, disadvantages, capabilities, strengths and weaknesses. For a simple topic such as motivation, I have studied at least nine different theories - Maslow, McClellands Needs Theory, Herzbergs two facto theory, the goal setting theory, etc, etc.
There is no one theory that is absolutely correct. No one theory that proves the absolute truth behind different subject matters. Instead one scholar puts forth a theory, it is accepted as the truth for some time, only to have another scholar come forward disputing his/her theory and putting forward his own. Nothing lasts very long in the psychology world.

Actually it seems like a whole lot of speculation.

But it has made me realise and appreciate one thing:
There is only one place we can look to in order to understand the workings of the mind - scripture. There are no theories, limitations or weaknesses to what Srila Prabhupada puts forward in his books. It is what is. Bas. Prabhpada has not taken something from the Bhgavatam, disqualified certain aspects of it and then built upon what was left of it. No. It is what it always has been - the absolute truth.

I know that Sita Pati Prabhu is arguing whether Krsna Consciousness should be referred to as a science, and I'm not nearly scholarly enough to get into that. But whatever it is, I am glad that it is absolute and 'as it is'. No speculation, no attempts at logic, no conflicting theories. Rather it the simple, uncomplicated, deep and meaningful truth.

I miss...

In -20 degree conditions, surrounded by snow and ice, I miss being engulfed by the 30 degree humidity.

I miss hearing people say 'beach' and mean the ocean, not a body of calm, fresh water, with no waves, crabs or rock pools.

I miss the sun!

I miss walking on sea sand, so hot it curls your toes.

After wearing snow boots for the past 2 and a half months, I miss wearing my flip-flops.

I miss the awesome stream of association that is constantly flowing through Durban - Indradyumna Swami, BB Govinda Swami, Kadamba Kanana Swami, Lokanath Swami, Partha Sarathi das Goswami, Kavicandra Swami, Devamrita Swami, Bhakti Caru Swami...the list goes on.

I miss the amazing festivals, oceans of sweetness, that deepened my Krsna consciousness and urged me on to become a better devotee.

I miss my Gurudeva.

And most of all, I miss Their beautiful smiling faces...

*Sigh* Oh to be under the African sun again, at the lotus feet of Sri Sri Radha Radhanath.

Distance and separation have a funny way of making you more absorbed in and attached to that which you are away from.

I'm looking forward to the next time I get to have Their darshan - when next I do see Them, I plan on savoring every single precious moment.

Um, north of which street west?

I should warn you that this post does not have anything to do with Krsna Consciousness, or my spiritual life.

It is about three things that baffle, boggle and bewilder me about North Americans, specifically Canadians:

1. The use of intersections when giving you an address.

Eg. Yonge and Bloor (I don't even know if those two streets intersect, but I'm just trying to give you an example using two streets I know). Now most Canadian streets go on and on and on. Yonge street, at 1,896 km, is the longest street in the world. So first I have to picture Yonge Street, then I have to picture Bloor (if they do in fact intersect) and then I have to try and figure out where they lie in relation to each other. Not easy.

Streets in South Africa are just not that long. And if we need to guide you to a place, and need to use a landmark, we say, "If you're driving with Woolworths on the left side, its your 3rd right, next to the guy selling vegetables on the street." Now isn't that easier?

2. The use of North, East, South and West when giving directions.

Unless I had a compass permanently in my hand, I just couldn't do it. I mean, don't get me wrong - I know where east is. From my house. Only from my house. So if you put me in the middle of Yonge street and asked me to go South, (if that's possible), well, I just couldn't do it.

I could look at the sun to try and get me bearings, but I'd just be trying to look smart. We watched a performance at Roy Thompson Hall. The ticket described it being "South of King Street West." Need I say more?

3. How they do these things with such ease.

Actually, the fact that I find it impossible to orientate myself this way does not mean that it is a ridiculous method. It just means that they have longer streets to deal with, and have a more convenient way of of dealing with things, which I really admire. However, if you are South African and reading this, you can imagine how difficult and foreign the whole thing is.

But it also means that you could throw a Canadian into the wild, or leave them stranded in the middle of the ocean, and they would use the stars and their internal compasses to find their way home. :)

A little piece of heaven

This weekend we moved from Kitchener to Milton. We're now closer to the Brampton and Toronto temples.
Half our lives are unpacked in our new house while the other half lies unboxed in the old one.
I never want to move again. Not because it's exhausting (which it most definitely was), but because I think we may have moved to a small piece of heaven on earth.

Milton lies on the Halton Watershed, of which the Niagara Escarpment is the dominant landform. It is an oasis of unspoiled widerness and open green space - perfect for living a Krsna conscious life. Thousands of hectares of conservation lands protect the wild beauty of the watershed, including Kelso, Hilton Falls and Rattlesnake point which are all a 5 - 10 minute drive away. Its the perfect place to just be outside.

We're closer to Toronto, without being in the city itself - 'wilderness without remoteness'.

So while the first half of the move was tiring, it was definitely worth it, because we're surrounded by:

postboxes that look like this:

orchards and farms,

lots of horses,
mountains,

lakes,

streams,

and waterfalls.So really, I have no complaints.

I'm grateful that Krsna has been so kind to my husband and I and given us this opportunity to be closer to nature and live the kind of life we want to.

Thank You Krsna :)

Have a break

For the last month or so I've been offline. Swamped with exams, a bout of the flu and a couple of migraines I didn't have the time or the inclination to switch the computer on. I also deactivated my Facebook account - also referred to as Facebookicide (Really!) The Urban Dictionary gives the following meaning:

1. That act of deliberately terminating your Facebook profile by permanently deleting yourself from the Facebook site.
2. Also more commonly know as Virtualicide. Due to the rise of Facebook it was imperative that a direct term was coined. Hence the term Facebookicide.

Oh my God! Did you hear what happened to Jimmy? He finally wised up to the fact that Facebook was stealing his private information and committed Facebookicide! I noticed he's no longer listed in my Entourage pix list and my "friends" list dropped to 697 from yesterdays all time high of 698. A group of us did a site search and it's turned up nothing...

Wow that's horrible!

Yes, it must have happened last night while I was checking my Myspace/Bebo/Hi5/noLife accounts.

I so sorry. Did you know him well?

No, not really.

Which sums it up pretty well actually!! And I have to say...It feels very liberating. I'm not sure whether its permanent, but for now, I'm enjoying the break.

After being consumed by studying and exams so completely I'm trying to get back into the swing of things - easier said than done. I haven't been to dance class in over a month and honestly, I'm having to dig really deep to find the inspiration to get going again...even worse, I'm not really bothered that I'm not inspired. Exams really have a way of sucking the motivation out of you.

On the other hand, while the inclination to write and dance are not very strong, I'm enjoying being a homebody and reading a lot more, sewing new deity outfits and making new jewellery. Better than nothing, I guess...

Snow, snow go away...

At one a.m when I looked out the window I saw that it was snowing. Steadily.

Another reminder that Dorothy is no longer in Kansas.

Seriously though - last year was my first 'snow-experience' and after living in hot, humid Durban all my life, it has become my least favourite. Although to be specific - the snow I love. It's beautiful, and soft and so pure looking. It's the icy cold that comes with it to which I am less inclined.

So you can imagine my dismay when I looked outside and saw a mini winter-wonderland. "The leaves haven't even all fall off yet," I argued with it.

In Durban it has rained on Diwali almost every year. Naturally this puts a bit of a damper on peoples firework activities and their spirits, but a devotees once said that it rains so that the earth can be washed and cleansed for Lord Rama's return.

I guess in Canada things don't happen in halves. Why rain when it can snow?